The science of your Angry parner
Does your lovely partner sometimes turn into an angry partner; suddenly become irritable, emotional, or seemingly out of control? Before you jump to any major relationship conclusions, consider that she might be experiencing PMS or PMDD. Understanding these conditions can significantly improve your relationship and help you understand and support your partner during challenging times.
Does your otherwise lovely partner become angry partner a few days now and then?
Premenstrual Syndrome (PMS) and Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) are conditions that affect many women during their reproductive years. While PMS is relatively common, affecting up to 75% of menstruating women, PMDD is a more severe form that impacts 3-8% of women. Both conditions can significantly influence mood, behavior, and physical wellbeing, such as anger which often putting a strain on relationships.
Understanding the Hormonal Rollercoaster
The menstrual cycle is the core of your partners reproductional function. While you experience testosterone cycles every day, she experience hormonal cycles of approximately 28 days. Her main hormones are estrogen, which makes her social and cuddly, and progesterone that makes her calm and protective. The levels of these hormones shifts every day in the monthly cycle and have a profoundly affect your partners interest in sex as wells as body and mind.
When is your wife angry? A timeline of the schoolbook example of the hormones and mood of the cycle.
The hormonal levels are not the same every cycle. They are impacted of environment, relationships, lifestyle and how well the body and mind are nourished for reproduction. Symtoms are signs that the body does not have something it needs to function properly, something to think about if you are planning for pregnancy and also for upcoming symtoms as angry and irritation.
PMS symptoms typically occur 3-5 days before menstruation, while PMDD symptoms can emerge 1-2 weeks preceding menses. Both usually resolve with the onset of menstruation.
Signs Your partner May Be Experiencing PMS or PMDD
PMS vs. PMDD
PMS: Mild to moderate symptoms that don't significantly disrupt daily life.
PMDD: Moderate to severe symptoms that interfere with work, relationships, and overall quality of life.
Emotional Symptoms
Mood swings
Irritability or anger
Anxiety or tension
Depressed mood or feelings of hopelessness
Difficulty concentrating
Physical Symptoms
Fatigue
Changes in appetite or food cravings
Sleep disturbances
Bloating
Breast tenderness
Headaches
The Impact on Your Relationship
Both PMS and PMDD can significantly affect communication and intimacy in your relationship. Your partner may become more angry and irritated, sensitive to rejection, prone to conflicts, or withdraw socially. It's important to recognize that these behaviors are symptoms of a real condition and not a reflection of her feelings towards you.
Supporting Your partner Through Tough Times
Educate yourself - Learn about PMS and PMDD to better understand what your partner is experiencing. With her permission, you can track the cycle, so you both can know when the storm is coming.
Practice active listening - Pay attention to her needs and be open to discussion without judgment, perhaps she wants to be alone for a few days or need a hug or two. It’s important to listen to her, because the opposite action of her wishes can induce and accelarate stormy emotions.
Offer emotional support - Show empathy and validate her feelings. We know this can be though when she is in irritated state, so be the big person here.
Provide practical help - Take on extra chores or responsibilities like dinner making or managing the kids during difficult days, without expercting her to “pay it back to you afterwards”. There are some biohacking tips you can use here, that may actually improve her mood biologically (we can help you with that). One thing to remeber; although your partner will be very greatful if you support her, you should not expect her to pay-back just as she comes out of this, that will negatively impact the relationship.
Be patient and reassuring - Remember that this is temporary and the way you support her during this phase will impact your relationship moving forward.
Self-Care for you
Supporting a partner with PMS or PMDD can be emotionally challenging. Although we do recommend you to talk to eachtoher about each one of your needs, it's essential for you to know and manage your needs.
Manage your own emotions
Set healthy boundaries
Seek support from friends or family (but make sure not to give them the impression that you have “a crazy” partner, that will not help any of you)
Pursue your own interests and relaxation techniques
When to Seek Professional Help
We know these conditions can take a toll on you both. Consider professional help if:
Symptoms severely impact your relationship or any or yours daily life
Your parner expresses feelings of hopelessness or suicidal thoughts
You're struggling to cope with the situation
The type of help you seek will often determine the solution, so it’s good to consider which type of support you would like.
Gynaecologist will often address with hormon-disturbing contraceptive pills, that will remove the menstrual cycle completely which might sound good but also comes with common mental and sexual side effects. It’s a big hammer, that will cancel the complete reproductive function in your partner to remove the symtoms.
The primary care provider often support with anti-depressant pills, which only are effective for some women. They may be helpful for some but may also ineffective or remove joyful feelings other days. This is a common symtom-suppressing method.
Cognitive Behaviour Theraphy or Couples therapy can be beneficial in improving communication and developing coping strategies together.
Personalized Health Support, sciencentists now starts to understand that PMS and PMDD symtoms are signs that the body is in need of support. Which support depends on the persons biochemistry, so a holistic health check is recommended with professionals that know how to assess the results for female health. Thereafter, can a tailormade plan be provided to address the root causes and how to manage the biological origin of the anger.
Although PMS and PMDD are common, the support system is quite underdeveloped and we see from research that it can take up to 9 years (!) to recieve proper support. So it could be that you partner is stuck between the impression that “don’t suffer, there is help to get” and “medical gaslighting and misdiagnosis“. (Please support femhealth pioneers, organisations and polititians working to change this.)
How Femai Health Can Help
At Femai Health, we offer specialized services for female hormonal health and wellness.
Education and biohacking (both for your partner and you)
Comprehensive health and hormone testing
Personalized health plans with holistic nutritional and lifestyle counseling
By addressing the underlying issues to anger from the root, you can strengthen your relationship and improve both your partner and your quality of life.
Understanding and supporting your partner through PMS or PMDD can significantly strengthen your bond. By educating yourself, offering empathy and practical support, and seeking professional help when needed, you can navigate these challenges together. Remember, your patience and understanding can make a world of difference in your relationship.
Take action today: Start a conversation with your partner about her experiences, she can take our free hormonal health assessment (top right on page) and if needed consider exploring supportive services. Together, you can build a stronger, more understanding relationship that withstands the challenges of hormonal health.
Take care both of you,
let me know if you need anything.
Carin
